It's Midnight. And it's dark.

It's so funny to read journals from ten years ago.  You read them, spending hours at this, and something clicks inside you-- you're dramatic.  You're "omg, the world is going to end" dramatic.  You try to blame it on pubescent happenings, but really, who are you kidding?  You're dramatic.

But.. then you get to the more recent entries.  The ones you've kept deep within you.  The ones you've never shared with anyone or talked about.  Those.. aren't so dramatic.  They're raw.  They're filled with real issues that will actually make a difference in your life.  They're scary.  They're things you still haven't figured out.  This is good,  though!  This proves that you're not -really- dramatic.. you're just.. you.  You're.. well.. let's not categorize.  Why analyze people anyway?  Sometimes they don't have an ulterior motive.  Sometimes they just do what they do because it's what they want to do (.. and that's a mouthful).

I learned something.  I learned that nothing that people have any real control over is going to be right.  I mean, c'mon.  Plants grow just fine in nature all by themselves, relying solely on rain water and the lay of the land.  Give a plant to a person in a cute little pot to keep in their cute little office on their cute little desk and what happens?  It dies.  The point here is this:  if you try to take something natural and put it in a pot (thus hindering it's ability to grow anyway...) then it's going to die-- especially if you leave it in the care of flawed human beings.  It's not going to work out.  It won't grow into something beautiful and alive.  It will be hindered.  So, just.. leave it alone.  Let it be in its natural environment.  Let it rely on the rain rain water and the natural cycle of pollination.  If you do, it'll bloom year after year, growing bigger each time.

[sidenote:]

While I was looking through those old journals (and after I pulled an epic paper about math out of my ass).. I decided to rejuvenate myself and get the juices flowing again.  'Tis time to work on  getting a natural high again.

-- For one, this song gets me through everything.  For two, I wrote to it a while back A long while back.  Not my best work, but mine, nonetheless.

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Starry, Starry night

pain your pallet full of love

with all the colors from above

as I lie desperate, yearning for you

Starry, Starry night

muse me with your blues and grays

protect me from the break of day

for I cannot live my life as true

Starry, starry night

take me as your only one

save me from the wrath of dawn

as scarlet tears become my hue

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So, when all is said and done, just let it grow.  Don't pick it out of the ground to hold it hostage in a pot because you think it'd do better there (stuck in someone's claustrophobic, germ-infested office, mind you).  Let it breathe.  If you want to see it so bad, take a walk outside.  Or open the windows to the 'box' you work in day in and day out.  But don't be selfish.  Don't take it inside with you.  It needs air, sunshine, and rain water.  But you know what it needs most of all?  Patience and class, darling.  Patience and class.