In the back, he stands. Crying, he searches for stability; for some sort of sanity amidst the chaos of the day. inside, he knows that graduation means things he's not ready to face: kindergarten, a new school, new teachers who may or may not care about him-- leaving him to fend for himself in a world of emotional abuse by his drunken mother who destroys every man he becomes attached to. Alone he'll remain. But not with us. Not with the teachers who've cared for him since he was a toddler.
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Just as she begins to breathe again, she feels the familiar tug on her dress, belonging only to that little girl with the most beautiful hair and eyes that can kill you. Slightly relieved by the little girl's touch, she begins to fiddle with the graduation cap, desperate to fit and affix it before anyone comes over to assist. It doesn't work. Her heart begins to pound hard as she continues on with her business: help children with their caps and gowns, make sure the balloons are tied to the chairs, ensure the music will be played accordingly, take pictures, and, most importantly, avoid him. That's impossible, though. Every time she sees that little girl, she's reminded of him. Reminded of the rapidly approaching kindergarten. She shakes the anxiety away just before the 'Pomp and Circumstance' ends for the first go-around. "I can do this," she says quietly as she readies herself to maneuver between parents to get good pictures. In, out, over, behind... she manages to click away at the camera without regard to what he's doing. Then, in the middle of emotional chaos, that sweet little girl's hat falls off. She looks at the little girl, desperate to help her as a mother would, but she can't. It's in that instant that she wants to seek refuge in his eyes for an answer, but she can't. Because he won't look back. So, she does nothing. The little girl puts her hat back on herself and sits back down like nothing happened. That little girl's got serious dignity and class.
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I wish I was a bird sometimes. I watched them today. I was at the beach. They looked so peaceful. I'd kill for peace like that. I'm constantly arguing with myself; burdened with 'what if's' and 'why's'. I second-guess my actions a lot lately, and often, it's too late.
I'm moving out in August.
I miss being vulnerable.
Everyone should converse to a soundtrack.
There's someone for everyone.
Change has to happen.
I need to wash away the sand from my car.
End of story.
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